Sometimes the TRUTH can be hard to take.
Most times the TRUTH can set us free.
Seek truth and you will find a path.
~Frank Slaughter
Three amazing women have helped me realize that I need to be sharing MY TRUTH.
In the past few weeks these women have poured their hearts out and shared their TRUTH. I don't share what's real here everyday. I mean the real icky stuff. Obviously most of us Bloggers don't. Not every post anyway. And that's a good thing....I mean who wants to read every single gory detail of what's wrong in our lives, right?
But their does come a time when the TRUTH needs to told. We get so very tired of hiding behind the exclamation points and smily faces.
Here is an excerpt from my journal entry this morning....
"2012 has just been HARD. Probably the hardest of my life. My kids' choices and trying to keep them in line. Oh goodness our finances...all our financial burdens. Not having enough. I know I have been going through major depression. I have all the signs: tired, listless, want to sleep, losing interest in things I love. It's because I feel like I'm in this deep, dark hole and I'm being swallowed. There seems to be no way out. I am filling my time with ways to escape: food and tv. TODAY needs to be the First day of the rest of my life!!! It's time for an intervention. I HAVE to Take Charge of MY LIFE again. I want to be a BRAVE GIRL. I CAN be. I just need a plan."
Is this a little too much information? I don't think so. I think so many of us are going through hard times right now. And I seriously can't think of a better place to share and be understood than by my blog friends. Each one of you is so kind and understanding.
Today I am reaching out. I pouring out my soul in order to heal and start fresh. Each of YOU inspires me daily and have helped me have HOPE in my dark days.
Overall I am pretty happy. I have been blessed in countless ways...
*My family and I are healthy
*We have a roof over our head (although this has been a HUGE source of my stress)
*We have food on our table (our garden is helping so much!!)
*We have wonderful friends that share their light with us when we need it
*We have been able to go on a few mini trips thanks to my amazing Mom!!
Most importantly we have our FAITH.
With each family prayer we say we thank our Father in Heaven for our blessings. It seems just when we need it the most...we are blessed with money to pay a bill. Honestly a few miracles have been given to us and I am so, so grateful.
Leanne encouraged me to BE REAL...she encourages us all to BE REAL. Here is an excerpt from her latest post...
The truth is . . . it's not always rose colored glasses here. Lord knows, I'm not always happy. The girls aren't always just bathed and smelling like baby lotion and sitting like little angels reading wonderful novels from writers long ago. Sometimes it's more like stinky little 'played outside all day long' girls with knots in their hair and fights over whose Barbie doll that really belongs to. -Leanne
This post spoke VOLUMES to me. Thank you so much, Leanne!!
Soraya...well she is just one of those soulful writers that fills my heart with light!! Her post on why she blogs had me saying YES!! THIS IS WHY I BLOG, TOO!!!
Now...here's the thing about blogging (and this is difficult, if not impossible to explain to someone unless they have experienced it for themselves)...but it changed my life!!! And I am not being melodramatic, I swear (although I do have a tendency to be sometimes). But it absolutely changed ...me!!! Now when I look back and read through some of my earlier posts...I see someone in search of her voice. A little unsure, a little desolate + lost...but still...showing up. I see someone who has a sense of humor...and who tries. -Soraya
That last line...and who tries. Oh, I love that!! You see since I've become a Blogger I have tried more things and put myself out there more than ever. I paint now! I draw now! I have 3 craft shows under my belt! I never would have tried any of those things without my blog!!
And then their is Stephanie Ackerman from Homegrown Hospitality. Her post reminded me how I can get direction back into my life....
Number 2 and 3 on my summer list are to stay on a schedule and well, make a schedule because without one, I am totally un-focused and out of balance and right now, at this very moment, as I sit and type this at 12:29 in the afternoon, I am completely out of focus and slightly off balance and honestly, I do not work well this way and when I get this way, all I want to do is sit down and read one of the three books I am reading right now...which reminds me that this is coming soon and well, reading always leads to a nap...which is maybe what I will do after I finish this long run-on-sentence-blog-post and cross a few things off my list... -Stephanie
Do you know how long it's been since I wrote a list and kept it??
Here is my LIST for today:
1. put clothes away
2. laundry {daily}
3. Create index card
4. Work on Color challenge
5. Blog
6. Exchange planner
7. 3:30 Art Experience to throw clay {yes, I am learning how to throw}
8. 5PM church meeting
It feesl so good to have this list!!
I know things will get better. I know life isn't always so hard. I intend on working on "Embrace each day and live it." Keeping it real though means it's not gonna happen overnight.
But I am gonna work on it.
Journal entry from this morning...
"I need a FIRE in my belly again. I want my heart to sing again. I want to look in the mirror and TRULY love what I see again. I am going to OVERCOME what is holding me back. I so desperately want to FLY again!!"
Here's to making lists, overcoming our weakness's, finding joy in the journey and flying.
Who is with me?
What an uplifting post! I am with you! Good luck throwing clay today, sounds fun :)
ReplyDeleteProud of you .... in so many ways, and for so many things. Thanks for mentioning me on this post. I am so happy that my post brought inspiration to you. You bring tons of it to me, daily, my friend. Hugs.... We'll get through all of it. One day at a time. I'm here if you need me.
ReplyDeleteIf anyone out there says they have never felt the way you are right now - they are lying - or are oblivious to the truth! At any rate - the faith you have that 'it will pass' will help you carry on. Each of us have wilderness journeys that help us appreciate the lush, grassy valleys and the beautiful mountain peaks even more. The Lord has promised that 'there will be an end'. Hugs to you. Hang on to that list and know that each time you cross something off - you are progressing. And my philosophy is this: "If everything doesn't get crossed off the list, I either a: overextended myself, or b: found other worthwhile things along the way to take up time! Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteI'm with ya!!!! Hold your head up high and keep telling yourself it's going to be o.k.!!! I get days to where I can't figure out what the hay is life all about! When I feel my feet starting to drag I literally tell myself(out loud) to keep going...keep going, works for me:) Hope this helps even it's just a little bit!
ReplyDelete♥hugs♥
Bev
AWESOME POST.....keep going and know deep down inside your heart and soul..EVERYTHING will be okay!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so with you. Each day I vow I am going to do something differently, yet I fall back on old habits. My word/phrase of the year "carpe diem" - this so goeswith your live each day. We really do need to do that eaxh day. Suck the marrow out of the day and live, live ,;
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Wonderful, real post!
My list is way too long each day and that doesn't include me time let alone blog and art...in fact the reality is i need to concentrate in teaching my kids and giving my blog a rest...the sad thing is ill miss the blog friends...gee...said that aloud now....but sometimes you do what you've got to do....xxx
ReplyDeleteWhat an honest post, Leslie! I'm so sorry this year has been so difficult so far. I suppose we all have those years that we kind of wish we could just blot from the calendar. I totally understand what you mean about the beauty and power of a list; I can't tell you how many times just making a list has set my mind and heart to rest. It's just something to get my head around when I feel like everything is flying in a million directions.
ReplyDeleteI am with you, though I'm crawling. DD24 and I are so stressed/depressed right now that we just do the barest of necessities, and then watch Grey's Anatomy. It's just how we get thru each day.
ReplyDeleteDear sweet Leslie! You inspire me too:) And I am surprised and amazed that I inspire you!!! Because so much of what you share in this post...is exactly what I have been going through myself. not the exact details of course...but yes...it is difficult to share the hard truths about our lives but it matters SO SO much, doesn't it?? It takes so much courage to share with us all that you are in a deep dark hole. So many of us are but either don't know it or deny it!!! Deep dark holes are good...they give us reason to shine our light:) And you have so much light Leslie...to share with us all. Sending you love. xxx
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