Two words.
Two ugly, little words.
Fear
and
Doubt.
I've always been a writer.
Writing is my first love
I've written for radio and
newspapers most of my adult life.
I'm very confident
and rarely afraid to
share what I write.
But my art.
Oh, that's a whole different ballgame.
Even though in my heart I just
know if I didn't create.
If I didn't paint
and doodle
and try...
I wouldn't be honoring my
authentic self.
I wouldn't be the ME, that
my Heavenly Father intended.
But oh, that
Fear
and Doubt.
It's here, in my heart
reminding me of one of those
scary monsters that lived in my closet.
It's staring me down
and telling me ugly, nasty things.
It laughs at me.
"You are wasting your time,
your money
and making a fool of yourself."
The Fear/Doubt Monster
whispers this to me most days.
And most days I just tell him to be quiet.
To leave me alone.
But then
there are those days
he yells.
His scary voice seems
to surround me.
I can hear him
no matter where I am or
what I'm doing.
"You can't draw like so and so."
"You call that art?"
"What a joke."
Fear and Doubt.
Doubt and Fear.
 |
| A piece I made during Soul Restoration One |
I wonder
if we knew what other
artists are thinking
if we would be able to chase
the Fear/Doubt Monster away...
for good.
Do you suppose that mixed-media artists like
Pam Carriker
and
Misty Mawn
and
Nancy Lefko
ever experience
the Fear/Doubt Monster?
I think so.
I mean they have to.
We're all human, right?
We all can be so very hard on ourselves.
I think it's time to say
"Bye, Bye Fear/Doubt Monster."
You may scare me...
but you can't hurt me.
You can't stop me from
being my very best.
I may not be like Pam
or Misty or Nancy...
But I am ME.
I am Leslie.
My goals and dreams are just
as real and as important a theirs.
I am willing to learn
sacrifice
humble myself
practice
practice
and practice more
to make them come true.
So
Bye,
Bye,
Fear and Doubt.
This is one woman who knows where
she's going and what she
needs to do to get there.
**Linking up with "Share the Joy"
Oh I know this feeling. The 'you can't call yourself an artist, who do you think you are, what must people think of you' and your heart quietly saying 'this is who you are, go for it' but almost being drowned out by the louder voice of fear and doubt.
ReplyDeleteThank you for such an encouraging post.
The funny thing is that the critical voice just wants to protect us from trying and failing, so the thing to do is say, "Thank you," and just keep making art from the heart. I look at it this way: we were made in the image of the Creator and are inherently creative.
ReplyDeleteOh, I know Fear and Doubt! Although I try to un-friend them, they keep returning. I like Meri's approach, to say "thank you" and move on. I've let those 2 influence too much of my life, but not anymore! I'm so proud of you Leslie!!! Keep on creating your beautiful Brave Girls! :-)
ReplyDeleteif it feels right to you, it is right. don't listen to the voice of doubt. no matter how accomplished an artist you are that voice of doubt is always there, lurking in the background trying to undermine us. keep making your art, it's beautiful.
ReplyDeleteOh, my dear friend. Yes, I am quite familiar with Mr. Fear and Mr. Doubt. They have been frequent visitors in my mind. However, I've developed some new skills when they stop by, this time around. I sit, have a cup of coffee with them, let them throw their garbage at me . . . then I introduce them to someone new. I know you are familiar with "Miss COURAGE", right? Oh, Miss Courage is just about the best part of me. And she is the best part of YOU, too. Let Miss Courage handle them. They'll be gone in no time, at all. Hugs, my friend. WE are DOING THIS!
ReplyDeletelove your girl in these pages
ReplyDeletei think she is very encouraging, she is beautiful
DO NOT stop!
What a brave and honest post! I don't think there are too many people in ANY field who don't doubt themselves once in a while. Art is just so much more personal and "out there" than a lot of other fields, so we feel even more vulnerable. I think the best thing you can do is to continue to acknowledge your feelings, then "give them their leave," as you have done here, as many times as you have to! :-)
ReplyDeleteI think your art is amazing. Art is not worth anything if it is not yous and of you. I used to feel that way until I truly did learn my art is me.
ReplyDeleteQMM
What a relief--and joy--it must be to bid good-bye to fear and doubt!
ReplyDeleteDancing for Joy!
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ReplyDeleteGood On You, Leslie... you just tell them that the can talk all they want and you're not listening. You do what you do because you are who you are... it is the way of the world... And you, are living it. So proud of you.
ReplyDeleteLeslie, it's so good to identify that voice so that it loses its power when it is brought to the light and seen for what it is. You know I've heard it. Whispers that don't deserve to received. Identified but not received.
ReplyDeleteCourage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway... John Wayne.
I love your art and what you are doing and sharing.
Hugs!
I can certainly relate! Good to send judgment packing...it doesn't do any of us any good does it?? Nice blog! Nice art!!!
ReplyDeletewhat is that saying? "Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions" - Hafiz
ReplyDeletefear visits me often - the opposite of fear is love
Your art is beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI always have doubts and fears, too. But the wishes are stronger :)
I think we all have the fear/doubt monster who lingers in our heads time to time. I love what you've created. Kudos to you on working against it.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Maggie