It is such a secret place, the land of tears." -Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Last January I picked the Word STORY for my Word of the Year. You can read about my decision here. I promised not only you but myself that I would live TRUE. That I would TRY my best this year to be HONEST with all of you and share what's in my heart. Little did I know that this year...2012...would be the hardest year of my life. Filled with heart break, anger, frustration, stress and deep sadness like I've never known before.
True, I have held up my promises to a point...but you don't know the whole STORY. There are several reasons for that...one it's just too darn painful...I don't like reliving much of what's happened and two...due to legalities I'm unable to say a whole lot about certain things until after December 16th.
2012 started off pretty good. As many of you know my husband and I made the decision to shut our business of 22 years down. We had been franchisee's and with the rising cost of fees, product and taxes it was harder and harder to make a profit.
We expected hard financial time and we were prepared. We knew all the extras wouldn't be possible for awhile and we were okay with that.
By the end of January life as I knew began to unravel. We found ourselves in the middle of a quarter million dollar lawsuit. I felt lmy life spinning out of control. We had lawyers working on our case and they took any money we had coming in...I couldn't imagine it getting any worse...but then it did.
In February I found out someone so very dear to my heart was making very bad choices. I was blindsided...never saw it coming. The crack was growing bigger in my heart...what had happened to my life in two short months??
Lots of tears and anger and yelling and asking WHY????!!! This was how I spent my days. Sure, I'd stop by here to write a post...wanting so badly to share my truth. Wanting to reach out for help.
I was so alone.
April....things are looking up. The lawsuit is still looming over heads and money is hard to come by but we're okay. The person making poor decisions was getting better...the cracks in my heart were beginning to heal.
But then...just when I least expected it the phone rang. It wasn't good. Another dear one in my life had been arrested. I could feel my heart swell, ready to burst. Ready to break.
What had I done to deserve this? Hadn't I been a good mother, a good wife and friend. Wasn't I charitable and kind to my fellow man?
WHAT HAD I DONE TO DESERVE THIS??!!! WHAT????!
I have asked this question more times in the past 8 months than I have my entire life. I have grown closer to my Savior and I have been on my knees pleading with Him to come and rescue me.
As 2012 continues it only gets more difficult to put a smile on my face. There are good times to remember and I am holding to those precious memories with my life.
I will share of more of my STORY in the next post.
Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to me.
I am grateful for YOU!