Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Start Living in the Now

"We can start again countless times in our lives...a new job, a new relationship, a new day. Why does a fresh beginning feel so good, yet at the same time, just a bit scary?" -Flow Magazine


Lately, it seems all I do is say to myself...WHEN. 

When
I
lose
weight.

When 
the 
kids 
are settled
and 
on their own.

When 
we have 
enough 
money and security.

When 
the house 
is 
in 
order.

WHEN.

To be perfectly honest I am sick and tired of the word When.
I want so desperately to be living in the 
NOW.

As the big 5-0 gets closer and my life keeps 
looking more and more different...
I find myself standing still.
Not moving...
at 
all.

I am frightened.
Change can be hard.

But it CAN be exciting, too.

A canvas I created several years ago

Today I took time to sit quietly and write in my journal.
It's what I've always done for as long as I can remember.
In Jr. High my thoughts were printed in a tiny golden diary...the one that had a key  to keep all your secrets safe.
Most of that book is filled with daily weather reports and my crush on Donny Beger.

By High School I was writing volumes in my Garfield and Ziggy notebooks. Everything from 
my dreams of covering a political convention to what was bothering me...my parents, my friends, school...and yes, Donnie filled up more pages in these notebooks than I care to comment!


Today I wrote down my goals as I Journey towards 50.

I know I want more HAPPY in my days. 
It's not that I don't have that now...but I want more.
I want to live in the NOW.
No more living in the WHEN.
There is so much lost in the WHEN.
I am DONE for the next 6 months obsessing about my weight. 
My ENTIRE life I have never felt good enough because I was "fat".

Girls, that is ME on the far left in 1999 at my first Marathon. 
During this time I thought I was so overweight. 
I was constantly obsessing about food and exercise and putting myself down.



Looking at this photo now
I can't believe how healthy and in shape I look!!
I never saw that or felt that while I was living that.

Sad.

I WILL be taking long walks, eating healthy and watching myself...
but I am DONE saying WHEN I get thin. When I can wear a size 10.
I am 49.5 years old.
I wear a size 14.
am
happy
with
that.

In the next 6 months I will 
write more
be kinder
enjoy coffee while I read a favorite book.
I will wear what brings me JOY.
I will be kind to 
ME.

I will be the best version of myself!


2 comments:

  1. YAY to moving away from waiting...and embracing NOW! Maybe that is a new "code word" to encourage each other...just writing "NOW" as a gentle reminder to stop and check our attitudes!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your words are always so inspiring Leslie! I too think a lot about WHEN and I need to focus on NOW more and WHEN less.

    ReplyDelete

I appreciate your thoughts and ideas...they inspire me!! I will be visiting you soon. Have a CREATIVE day!!

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