Lately, it seems all I do is say to myself...WHEN.
on their own.
money and security.
To be perfectly honest I am sick and tired of the word When.
I want so desperately to be living in the
As the big 5-0 gets closer and my life keeps
looking more and more different...
I find myself standing still.
I am frightened.
Change can be hard.
But it CAN be exciting, too.
|A canvas I created several years ago|
Today I took time to sit quietly and write in my journal.
It's what I've always done for as long as I can remember.
In Jr. High my thoughts were printed in a tiny golden diary...the one that had a key to keep all your secrets safe.
Most of that book is filled with daily weather reports and my crush on Donny Beger.
By High School I was writing volumes in my Garfield and Ziggy notebooks. Everything from
my dreams of covering a political convention to what was bothering me...my parents, my friends, school...and yes, Donnie filled up more pages in these notebooks than I care to comment!
Today I wrote down my goals as I Journey towards 50.
I know I want more HAPPY in my days.
It's not that I don't have that now...but I want more.
I want to live in the NOW.
No more living in the WHEN.
There is so much lost in the WHEN.
I am DONE for the next 6 months obsessing about my weight.
My ENTIRE life I have never felt good enough because I was "fat".
Girls, that is ME on the far left in 1999 at my first Marathon.
During this time I thought I was so overweight.
I was constantly obsessing about food and exercise and putting myself down.
Looking at this photo now
I can't believe how healthy and in shape I look!!
I never saw that or felt that while I was living that.
I WILL be taking long walks, eating healthy and watching myself...
but I am DONE saying WHEN I get thin. When I can wear a size 10.
I am 49.5 years old.
I wear a size 14.
In the next 6 months I will
enjoy coffee while I read a favorite book.
I will wear what brings me JOY.
I will be kind to
I will be the best version of myself!